Bridging the Gap in Cancer Diagnosis Conversations

Survivors and Supporters: Bridging the Gap in Cancer Diagnosis Conversations

b-present Team | August 8, 2024

Cancer is a profound life experience that leaves lasting impacts not only on those who undergo treatment but also on the people around them. For young adults, this experience often involves the challenging task of reintegrating into social circles and establishing new relationships. A critical aspect of this process is sharing one’s cancer diagnosis with potential friends, dates, or partners—a conversation that can be nerve-wracking for both survivors and supporters.

From the survivor’s perspective, revealing a past cancer diagnosis can evoke concerns about stigma, vulnerability, and the fear of rejection. Survivors may worry about being perceived differently or treated as fragile, making them hesitant to disclose their health history. But, while these fears are valid, many survivors have found that sharing their story can also lead to deeper, more meaningful connections.

Take Candice Tomkins, for example. When she decided to open up about her experience, she feared the worst—rejection, pity, or being seen as damaged. But instead, she found something else.

“I literally cried when I received his reply. Not only did he acknowledge I’d been through a shit time but he still wanted a second date … I went through diagnosis and treatment mostly alone. It was only after NED I felt able to let people in again. This was the first time I had let myself get close to someone and it felt almost euphoric … Starting to date this person is what helped me realize I don’t need to think about cancer all the time. It helped me remember that good things exist. Life really does go on. The next few weeks and months of dating him would turn out to be my journey back into the real world. I’m forever grateful for it.”

On the other hand, supporters may grapple with their own emotions, including fear, misunderstanding, and uncertainty about how it impacts their relationship, plans for the future, and how to offer appropriate support.

In this blog, we’ll explore the dual perspectives of cancer survivors and their supporters, exploring the unique challenges each faces. We’ll offer insights and practical tips for fostering empathy, understanding, and compassionate communication. By bridging these perspectives, we aim to create a more supportive environment for young adults navigating life after cancer.

A Cancer Survivor’s Perspective on Sharing Their Diagnosis

Cancer survivors face many challenges, but one of the most complex can be sharing their diagnosis with new friends or potential new partners. Cancer changed their life in profound ways, shaping who they are and how they view the world. As they rebuild their life, they must navigate the delicate task of whether or not to disclose their cancer experience – an experience that may have shaped who they have become, but does not define them as a person. A great piece of advice that is often emphasized to cancer survivors: “You are more than your cancer diagnosis. It’s just one part of you.” Disclosure can be a complex process filled with fear, vulnerability, and even hope.

Fears and Concerns as a Survivor

Stigma and Misunderstanding: Worrying about misconceptions is real. Will people see weakness and fragility? Will they think cancer is still a looming threat or that you’re somehow “damaged goods”? These fears can lead to hesitation in if, when, and how to open up.
Emotional Vulnerability: Talking about cancer means revisiting a painful chapter of life. IIt’s not just about sharing a fact; it’s about exposing a part of their life that is deeply personal and raw. The thought of being seen differently or treated with pity can make them reluctant to share.
Fear of Rejection: This is perhaps the scariest part. What if your diagnosis scares away a potential friend or partner? They might worry about future health issues or how your past illness impacts longevity or family planning goals.
Timing and Context: Deciding when to share your story is tricky. Tell someone too soon, and it might be overwhelming. Wait too long, and it might feel like you were hiding something important. Finding the right moment is a constant struggle.

“The idea of getting close to someone new after a cancer diagnosis can be nerve-wracking. I mean, cancer has changed so many things already; what if it’s also changed what a romantic relationship could look like … We all have parts of ourselves that feel a little scary to expose. This is important to remember, because the person you are nervous to be real with may also have their own disclosures to make. When you are getting to know somebody, it’s natural to share more and deeper things as a way to create connection. With the right person, the vulnerability that comes with this kind of sharing helps build trust and intimacy. And, you guessed it, this is the stuff that all good relationships are made of.” —Marloe Esch DNP, RN, OCN

Understanding the Perspective of a Young Adult Supporter

Learning that a new friend or potential partner has had cancer can be a rollercoaster of emotions. It can trigger a range of feelings and concerns, and navigating these with self-reflection, empathy, and understanding is key.

Fears and Concerns as a Supporter

Uncertainty and Fear: If you’ve never known someone with cancer, it can be overwhelming. Questions may arise about their health and what the future holds. The fear of losing someone to illness, even if they’re currently healthy, is a real and daunting thought.
Lack of Understanding: You might not fully grasp what the survivor has been through. Cancer is a complex and deeply personal experience, and ignorance can lead to saying the wrong thing or not providing the needed support.
Role in Their Life: Supporters may wonder how to best offer support. Are they still recovering? Should you treat them differently? What’s the best way to be there without making them feel defined by their illness?
Personal Reflection: The news can lead to confronting your own fears and biases. Understanding your own emotions is crucial to ensuring you respond with empathy and compassion.

Recommendations for Empathy and Support

Whether you’re a cancer survivor sharing your story or a supporter learning about a loved one’s past illness, mutual understanding and kindness will help reduce stigma, create stronger connections, and broaden the capacity for compassion.

Listen Without Judgment: For supporters, it’s essential to listen without interrupting or making assumptions. Sharing something so personal takes courage. Creating a safe space for the survivor to share their story at their own pace is crucial.
Express Empathy, Not Pity: Show understanding and support without pity. Survivors don’t want to be seen as victims; cancer may have impacted their life, but it doesn’t define them. They need friendship, companionship, and connection to thrive.
Educate Yourself: Supporters should take the initiative to learn about cancer and its impacts. This knowledge can help in providing better support and understanding the survivor’s perspective.
Respect Privacy: If someone shares their diagnosis with you, respect their privacy. Do not share their story with others without their permission.
Be Patient and Supportive: Building trust takes time. Whether you’re a survivor or a supporter, patience and consistent support are key in fostering a strong and understanding relationship.
Self-Reflection: For supporters, reflect on your feelings and reactions. Understanding why you feel a certain way can help you respond more compassionately and be a better ally.

Conclusion

Sharing a cancer diagnosis and receiving the news are both deeply personal experiences that require empathy, understanding, and mutual respect. For young adults, these conversations can be particularly challenging as they navigate relationships and social reintegration. By fostering an environment of kindness and support, we can help ensure that cancer survivors feel valued and understood as they continue their healing, rebuilding their lives and moving forward.

References

Smith, A. W., Parsons, H. M., Kent, E. E., Bellizzi, K. M., Zebrack, B. J., Keel, G., … & Harlan, L. C. (2013). Social, emotional, and economic impacts of cancer on young adults: Their perspectives and challenges. Journal of Cancer Survivorship, 7(2), 211-222.
Zebrack, B., & Isaacson, S. (2012). Psychosocial care of adolescent and young adult patients with cancer and survivors. Journal of Clinical Oncology, 30(11), 1221-1226.
Patterson, P., Millar, B., & Desille, N. (2012). The unmet needs of emerging adults with a cancer diagnosis: A qualitative study. Psycho-Oncology, 21(11), 1232-1238.