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A doctor embraces a woman in a green headscarf, who appears emotional and is wiping tears while sitting on a hospital bed, offering comfort and support as she faces setbacks in a medical setting.

How to Handle Setbacks During Your Cancer Experience

Because healing isn’t linear, and that’s not a failure. It’s life.

Let’s be real: Cancer isn’t just a medical condition. It’s a full-body, full-heart, full-life disruption. And just when you think you’ve found your rhythm again? Wham. A setback hits.

  • A treatment gets delayed
  • The side effects worsen
  • A scan brings news you weren’t ready for
  • Mental health spirals when you least expect it


It’s frustrating. It’s heartbreaking. And it can make you feel like you’re right back at square one. But you’re not. And you’re not doing anything wrong. Setbacks aren’t signs of failure, they’re part of the process. They don’t mean you’re weak. They mean you’re human.

 

What Are Example Setbacks?

Spoiler alert: It’s more than just physical stuff. 

Setbacks can show up in all kinds of ways:

  • Your treatment plan shifts unexpectedly
  • You feel worse when you thought you would be feeling better
  • You hit pause on school, work, or a major goal
  • Your anxiety or depression shows up louder than usual
  • You feel isolated, even with a supportive social network


Whether it’s visible to others or not, if it’s shaking you up, it’s real. And it matters.

 

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A post shared by Brittney Beadle (@brittneybeadle)

 

Why Setbacks Hit So Hard

You’re finally feeling like things are trending in the right direction, and then it feels like the universe just pulled the rug out from under you. Common feelings when a setback strikes:

  • “I thought I was past this.” 
  • “Everyone else is doing better than me.” 
  • “I don’t want to keep explaining myself.” 
  • “I feel completely alone in this.” 
  • “I’m falling behind in my career/school – I can’t afford this!”


Those thoughts are heavy and are valid. And you are not alone in feeling this way. Feel them, but if you can, try not to live in them. Find ways to move through them.

Steve Rubin, a cancer survivor who faced both physical and emotional setbacks, shared with Cure Today:

“The setbacks are disheartening, and at times, monumentally embarrassing. But they’re a necessary part of reaching a more worthwhile destination. I just must learn from each growth opportunity and keep plugging along… One day at a time.”
 — Steve Rubin

His honesty reminds us that healing is messy, but also meaningful. Every step, even the ones that feel like steps back, still count as progress.

 

What to Do When a Setback Happens

Feel your feelings.
Seriously. Cry. Yell. Go quiet. Journal the heck out of it. Whatever you need to do to let it out, just do it. You don’t have to be the “strong one” 24/7. You just have to be real with yourself.

Speak up.
Talk to someone. Anyone. A friend, therapist, sibling, or even your dog. Getting it out of your head and into words can help loosen the grip those thoughts have on you. Find resources to help you get back on track

Whether it’s help with work or school, financial support, or support from peers and friends, there are resources out there to lighten the load. Talk to a social worker or a care team member to help you get pointed in the right direction. You’ll be glad you did.

Redefine what “progress” looks like.
Progress isn’t a straight line. Sometimes it looks like naps. Or showing up to an appointment you were dreading. Or asking for help when you’d rather go at it alone. If it contributes to you feeling even a little better, less anxious, or lightens the load…that’s progress.

Let people support you.
This one’s hard, we know. But the people who love you want to be there, especially during the mess. Tell them how. Or just let them sit with you in it. Sometimes it might feel unfair that the responsibility falls on you to tell them how to support, but in the end, that is the best way to ensure you get what you need. Even if it is asking them to give you some space, or being specific and requesting a food delivery gift card instead of more food that might go to waste because you can’t eat it all.

 

 

For Supporters: What to Say (and What to Avoid)

If someone you care about is facing a setback, don’t ghost. Don’t rush to fix. Don’t sugarcoat it.

✅ Say:

  • “This is really hard. I’m here for you.”
  • “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
  • “Want to vent? Or should I just bring snacks and listen?”


???? Avoid:

  • “At least…” anything.
  • “You’ll be fine.”
  • Silence, because you’re unsure what to say.


Show up. Stay present. Even if it’s awkward. Your imperfect presence is worth more than perfect words.

 

Final Reminder: Focus on Progress, No Matter How Small

Setbacks are frustrating. But don’t let them erase the progress you have made, your strength, or your hope. Feel all the feels. You’re allowed to be mad, scared, tired, and still moving forward (even if today that just means getting out of bed or texting a friend “I’m not okay”). Healing isn’t a race, and there’s no prize for pretending you’re fine. You’re not behind. You’re human. And no matter where you are in the chaos, we’re walking with you. Setbacks and all.

 

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