Grief is the deep sorrow we feel when faced with loss—and loss comes in many forms. It’s not just about losing a loved one; it can be the loss of health, independence, a future you imagined, or even the sense of normalcy that a cancer diagnosis takes away. Grief is personal, unpredictable, and, at times, overwhelming. For young adults with cancer, it can feel isolating, like you’re walking through a storm without a map.
The truth? You’re not alone, and there’s no “right” way to grieve. The 7 stages of grief offer a framework that can help us understand and navigate the emotional complexities of loss, but remember, these stages aren’t linear. Healing is messy, raw, and deeply personal.
Let’s break down the 7 stages of grief and what each one may look like, knowing that wherever you are in your life, you don’t have to face it alone.
1. Shock
The initial shock of grief can feel like a punch to the gut. It’s that numbness that makes everything seem unreal. Whether it’s the news of a diagnosis or the loss of someone dear, this stage is about survival. It’s your body’s way of protecting you from the full weight of the situation. In this stage, it might feel like you’re watching your life from the outside.
How we show up: Don’t rush through this stage. Allow yourself or others to feel the numbness. Sometimes, just being there, listening, and sitting in silence can be the most comforting support.
While others may need their space to process everything, respect your loved ones from afar and give them the space they need. Continue to check in on them and be there when they are ready to talk.
2. Denial
When the shock wears off, denial may kick in. The mind can’t quite accept the truth, and that’s okay. This stage is a defense mechanism, one that allows reality to slowly sink in without overwhelming your system.
You may convince yourself that things will get better or that the diagnosis isn’t as serious as it seems. Remember to give yourself grace and don’t hesitate to reach out for a helping hand of support when you need one.
How we show up: Be gentle. Offer reminders of hope and strength without pushing too hard. Show up consistently, even if it’s just let your loved one know you’re there.
3. Anger
Grief can trigger frustration, resentment, and anger. You may feel like life is unfair, and the cancer diagnosis or loss might feel like a betrayal. The intensity of anger can sometimes surprise you, as emotions often bubble up unexpectedly. Anger is a natural response to helplessness and it’s okay to feel it.
How we show up: It’s important to let your loved one vent, cry, or express their emotions without judgment. Give them space to process anger, whether it’s through physical activity, creative outlets, or just simply talking.
4. Bargaining
At this stage, you might find yourself wishing for a “do-over” and seeking some control over the uncontrollable. Maybe you ask for more time, or you promise to live differently if only the pain would stop. Bargaining is often rooted in fear and uncertainty, where the mind tries to find ways to avoid the inevitable.
How we show up: Offer comfort by reassuring that it’s okay not to have all the answers. Showing up as you are is more than enough.
5. Depression
Grief can feel like a dark cloud hanging over you, and depression may set in. This stage can be especially heavy, with feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and loneliness. For young adults, the weight of a cancer diagnosis can lead to emotional exhaustion that feels never-ending.
How we show up: Show up with kindness, understanding, and patience. Sometimes, a simple “I’m here” or checking in regularly is the best reminder. Encouraging small steps toward self-care can also help during this stage.
6. Testing
As the grief ups and downs continue, the testing phase begins. This is a time of trial and error where you begin to test new ways of coping, new habits, and new perspectives. Testing is a phase of finding hope, rediscovering purpose, and exploring what healing might look like. It’s a sign of moving forward, even if it’s only baby steps.
How we show up: Encourage growth and self-discovery, even if it seems small. Remind them that testing new boundaries is okay and each small victory matters!
7. Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting or “getting over” grief. It’s about learning to live with it, finding peace with the reality of the loss, and finding ways to move forward. At this stage, there is an understanding that life has changed, but there is also a sense of resilience and hope. The loss or diagnosis doesn’t define the future, it’s part of the experience, but not the end of it.
How we show up: Celebrate the moments of acceptance. Support them as they embrace their new reality and continue to rebuild. Be there for the hard days and the better ones, knowing that healing is an ongoing process.
Show up and b-there
Whether you’re supporting a loved one or going through it yourself, remember that grief doesn’t follow a straight path. Some days may feel like you’re back at square one, but that’s part of the process. We get it(ish), the road is hard, but you don’t have to walk it alone.
Peer support groups, grief counselors, therapists, and other professionals dedicate their work to helping people navigate loss. Seeking support isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a step toward healing. If you’re looking for guidance, here are a few resources to check out:
- CancerCare – Offers free counseling and support groups for people affected by cancer.
- The Dougy Center – Provides grief support programs, especially for young adults and families.
- National Alliance for Grieving Children – A directory of grief support programs across the U.S.
- GriefShare – A network of support groups offering help and healing for those who have lost a loved one.
- Good Grief – A comprehensive resource hub for grief support, education, and advocacy.
- b-present Foundation – Our community is here to help you stay connected and supported during and after cancer.
Together, we can show up for each other, build connections, and ensure that no one has to navigate grief alone.
Want more?
- Read How to Support a Grieving Friend: Activities to Connect and Help Them Cope
- Watch The Journey to b-present: Three Stories of Friendship, Support, Grief and Hope
- Read Life After Caregiving: Now What?
- Download the Supporter Roadmap
- Follow us on Instagram
- Learn more about the b-present Foundation
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