Throughout a cancer experience, every milestone is a victory worth celebrating. For young adults navigating the twists and turns of diagnosis, treatment, and survivorship, the word “cancerversary” holds a special place in their hearts. We’re here to talk about cancerversaries and how you can celebrate them.
What is a Cancerversary?
A cancerversary, short for cancer anniversary, is a significant milestone for cancer survivors. A cancerversary isn’t just another day on the calendar—it’s your personal victory lap! The milestone is defined by YOU. Whether it’s the day you got the news, finished treatment, or hit a turning point, your cancerversary is all about celebrating YOU. It’s like your own special holiday, filled with triumph, resilience, and gratitude. Cancerversary means survivorship – living with, through, and beyond cancer. So why not shout it from the rooftops and embrace every moment?
“I truly would rather celebrate this day than my actual birthday!” – Meghan K.
In the whirlwind of facing cancer, every step forward is a victory worth celebrating. Cancerversaries are your chance to pause, reflect, and give yourself a high-five for making it this far. They’re reminders of your strength and the amazing support cheering you on. So go ahead, take a moment to bask in your awesomeness!
Your cancerversary, your rules! Here are some ideas to make your day as special as you are:
Spend time with your loved ones: Whether it’s a virtual hangout or an in-person party, surround yourself with the people who’ve been there for you every step of the way.
Pamper yourself: Whether it’s a spa day, your favorite meal, or a mini getaway, indulge in whatever brings you joy and makes you feel like your best self.
Create new traditions: Start something special that’s uniquely YOU. Plant a tree, release sky lanterns, or try something wild and adventurous.
Celebrate on social: Let the world know about your cancerversary! Share a post, a photo, or a heartfelt message on your favorite social media platform. Your story could inspire others and spread hope far and wide.
Pay it forward: Spread the love by giving back. Volunteer, share your story, or join a support group. Your experience can inspire others and make the world a brighter place. Take survivor Julian Castaneda for example. He pays it forward with Bags of Love.
How Friends & Family Can Show Support
Celebrating your loved one’s cancerversary is all about showing love, admiration, and unwavering support. Here’s how you can make their day even more epic:
Send love notes: A heartfelt message, a silly card, or a simple text can make their day sparkle with joy and love.
Plan a celebration: Organize a party, a picnic in the park, or a virtual gathering to celebrate them. Always remember to check in with your loved one to make sure they are feeling up to celebrating the day.
Acts of kindness: From homemade treats to warm hugs, every little gesture shows you’ve got their back.
Be present: Sometimes, the best gift is simply being there – listening, laughing, and holding space for all the feels.
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Cancerversaries aren’t just milestones—they’re celebrations of life and love. So here’s to you, your resilience, and the road ahead! As you reflect on the past and embrace the future, may each cancerversary be a reminder of your indomitable spirit and the joy of living life to the fullest.
When a young adult is diagnosed with cancer, it upends their life and sends shockwaves through the lives of those around them. In our eagerness to support, we may unintentionally cross into overly supportive territory, potentially leading to unintended consequences. At b-present, we are dedicated to guiding our community in refining their support strategies to enhance the well-being of young adults facing cancer.
Our Supporter Roadmap helps young adult support networks navigate this difficult time. It emphasizes the importance of understanding how our loved ones want to be supported beforeorganizing and offering support. Understanding their needs and boundaries ensures they get the support they need when they need it. It mitigates the added stress that comes when well-intentioned but unhelpful support is offered.
Recognizing Overly Supportive Behavior
Overly supportive behavior, rooted in love and concern, can become overwhelming. Understanding these tendencies is crucial for adopting a more mindful approach to support.
The Constant Caregiver
Consider a scenario where help is non-stop. Meals are always ready, and every conversation revolves around health updates, often overwhelming the individual seeking normalcy and autonomy.
A Real-Life Example: Sarah’s Story
Sarah, 25, recently diagnosed with cancer, is enveloped in a wave of support from friends and family. Her best friend, Emily, becomes the epicenter of this support, organizing meal trains, group chats, and social media campaigns to rally support. Initially comforting, this barrage of support soon becomes suffocating for Sarah. She begins to feel like her personal challenges have turned into a public spectacle, limiting her ability to express her true needs and feelings.
Emily’s well-meaning actions highlight a common pitfall of overly supportive behavior: the overwhelming intensity and volume of support can block the individual’s own needs, leading to stress rather than comfort.
The Optimism Overload
Demanding optimism, with constant reminders to “Just stay positive” or assurances that “Everything will be fine!” can pressure the individual to mask their true emotions, intensifying feelings of isolation.
The Rallying Cry
Attempts to demonstrate support with public displays or social media initiatives can unintentionally turn private struggles into unwanted public affairs, heightening the discomfort of your loved one. It is important to honor the privacy boundaries of the person diagnosed and not overshare without their approval.
Join our #SupportSquad
Want to learn how to be the best supporter you can be? Sign up to get access to free resources, tips, and stories from those who’ve been there.
The Unintended Consequences of Being Overly Supportive
The results of overly supportive behavior can deeply affect the mental and emotional well-being of young adults with cancer.
Increased Stress and Anxiety
The relentless focus on positivity and recovery can increase stress, placing an unnecessary burden on the individual to update, thank, and reassure their supporters.
Loss of Personal Space and Identity
Overly supportive actions that overlook the need for privacy and autonomy can amplify the loss of self, pushing the individual to yearn for interactions that transcend their illness. The b-there connection & support app helps minimize unwanted or misaligned interactions by helping supporters know how and when to show up, or when to give space.
Strained Relationships
When support becomes overbearing, it can strain relationships, leading to withdrawal and isolation at a time when genuine connection is crucial.
Navigating Support with Sensitivity
Identifying the delicate balance between being supportive and overly so is essential. Support should respect boundaries, embrace the full spectrum of emotions, and sometimes, simply provide a quiet, unassuming presence that respects the individual’s need for empathy, authenticity, and normalcy.
Offering Support without Overstepping
Gestures like sending a no-pressure message or engaging in non-cancer-centered activities can be profoundly supportive, acknowledging the individual’s struggle while respecting their autonomy.
Creating a Safe Space for Authentic Expression
Fostering an environment of open, judgment-free communication allows individuals to express their true feelings, ensuring they feel heard and understood without the pressure to appear strong.
Striking the Right Balance
Supporting a loved one with cancer can be scary and overwhelming, but your loved one needs your empathy and understanding now more than ever. By being mindful of our approach and sensitive to the unique needs and boundaries of young adults, we can offer support that truly uplifts, empowers, and most importantly, respects the individuality of each person’s cancer experience.
At b-present, we are committed to cultivating a community of support grounded in intention, empathy, and genuine connection. We invite you to join us in rethinking how we support young adults with cancer, ensuring our actions and words provide upliftment without overwhelming.
After a cancer diagnosis life can feel chaotic. Choosing a good connection and support app can help everyone stay on the same page and keep things running smoothly. If you are new to the cancer experience, you may not know where to start with organizing support. Our Supporter Roadmap is a great first read to find helpful information and tips to navigate this difficult time.
Understanding what is ahead and how your loved one with cancer wants to connect and be supported will help frame how to move forward and work together to organize and empower the support network. The next step is finding some helpful tools and resources to make communicating easy, keep you up to date and in sync with their needs.
Finding the Right App
There are a variety of apps and tools available to help with organizing support, connecting patients with their caregivers and peers, and improving communication and connection. For example, if you want a simple and easy tool to clearly communicate with each other, the b-there App for connection and support is a great option. Click the button below to learn more.
It is often a personal choice when it comes to selecting the best app(s) for the job, and it depends on the needs of the patient and the support network. Continue reading for some helpful tips to find an app that is right for you.
Questions to ask:
Ease of use
Is the app user-friendly and easy to navigate?
Does it have a clear and simple interface that allows users to find the information they need?
The more complex the app is, the less likely people will use it.
Customization
Does the app allow users to customize their profiles and communication preferences? This includes setting privacy settings, as well as selecting who has access to certain information.
Features
Does the app have features that are useful for both the patient and the support network?
Some examples: requesting support (meals, transportation, errands, visits, items), sharing status updates (short form or journal entries), desire to connect, and private messaging.
Privacy/Security
Does the app protect personal information and data?
Does it require user authentication to login?
Are you able to delete people from your network, as well as completely delete your account at any time?
Community
Does the app have a supportive community of users who can provide support and advice?
App features to consider
Define the key features and functions most helpful and important to the loved one being supported and the support network. Consider getting together to discuss your goals with using the app and brainstorm what features are necessary. Everyone will have different goals, so try to find a good compromise.
Below is a list of features to consider:
Login + Authentication
Do you prefer to use one of your existing accounts to log in or do you prefer to use your email and create a password?
When you are done using the app, are you able to completely delete your account (caution: uninstalling the app does not necessarily mean your data is removed).
Profile
Do you want to be able to access your contacts, photos when creating your profile?
What kind of information is important to include in your profile?
Is the information optional or required? Having fields that are optional is nice and gives you the flexibility to share as you see fit.
Network Setup
Prefer an invite-only network or do you want anyone that wants to help see your status and needs?
Want to limit what each person sees?
Do you want to be able to delete contacts that are less than helpful?
Status + Updates
What is your communication style?
What will be most helpful for the group to organize support and be present to best match your needs?
Direct and to the point? Or is a journaling format more your thing?
A journaling feature is helpful for processing emotions as well as keeping people updated, and some supporters enjoy reading the longer entries. However, other supporters may prefer short, clear directions so they can best understand how you are and how they can show up for you. With a journaling style, they may still need clarification on what support is needed, so make sure other features address this more immediate information need.
Calendar + Scheduling
Is it important to have a calendar within the app, or do you prefer to use your own calendar to track events and tasks? There are advantages to both, and it just depends on whether you will be diligent about checking multiple calendars or prefer having everything in your master calendar associated with your email.
Wishlist
Do you want to be able to coordinate needed items or activities? If so, a wish list can be a useful feature. To avoid duplication, ensure there is a signup management feature so that once someone claims a wish, it is no longer available to others. This will save time and avoid confusion and duplication of wishes. Also, being able to provide links to exact items, shared documents or lists reduces stress for everyone.
Messaging
Do you want to have a messaging system within the app, or is it easier to use your existing communication methods separately from the app? Similar to the calendar feature, things can get missed if you have to track multiple apps. Also, consider whether the loss of those messages after the account is deleted is a problem.
Notifications
Do you want to be notified when there are updates? If so, how?
Do you want to have the flexibility to adjust your notification preferences?
Health Information Tracking
Do you want the app to be a full-service app that tracks other health information as well? It can be nice to have everything in one place, but may also create a much more complicated app experience. This is especially true if you are connecting to other health or hospital systems.
Although not a complete list, the feature list above will get the conversation started. Once you have your list of needs, compare it to the features and functionality of each app and select the one that best fits those needs. In some cases, you may need more than one app to meet your support needs.
When in Doubt – Ask the Community for Their Input
If you still have questions or are unsure, consider asking health professionals, other patients, and caregivers that have experience to get their feedback on a particular app. Before making a final selection, confirm it will work for everyone. If the app is too complicated for the group, or not available for their mobile device, those can be deterrents to staying coordinated.
Connection and support app options
Several online connection and support apps are available. Here are a few apps designed to improve connection and support after a cancer diagnosis (listed alphabetically):
b-there connection & support: A free mobile app that eases communication and connection. Patients and survivors can share their status, desire to connect, manage activities, and request needed items. Supporters can check the app for updates on how their loved one feels before connecting or stopping by, and they can sign up to fulfill items from their wish list.
CaringBridge: A free, personal website that allows patients and their loved ones to share updates, photos, and videos. It also provides a way to schedule meals, rides, and appointments.
Ianacare: A platform that makes it easy to coordinate and schedule help and support for patients and their caregivers. It also provides a way to connect with other people who are going through similar experiences.
Lotsa Helping Hands: A care coordination platform that enables friends and family to provide support to loved ones during a health crisis.
MealTrain: A meal coordination platform that makes it easy for friends and family to sign up to bring meals to patients and their caregivers.
Have you had a good experience with another app? Contact us and share the link.
Helpful tips for using the app
After selecting the app, these steps will help ensure the best experience possible.
Send everyone the app information
Send them a link and be sure it is available on their mobile device. Urge them to download the app, register, and set up their account as soon as possible, ensuring they are ready to support when needed. If it is helpful for group members, set up a time to get together and walk through the app and help everyone become familiar with it.
Agree to some basic support ground rules
Setting a few ground rules about group behavior, including communication etiquette, providing timely updates, checking the app regularly, following through, responding to wish invitations, and honoring visit and support preferences, will keep things on track. It may help to identify a lead and a backup supporter to ensure timely updates are provided when a loved one is unwell or unable to provide their own updates. A tool is only as good as the information provided, so if it is outdated or incorrect, you may get the opposite effect, discouraging the support network from staying connected, and worse, causing the person needing help to feel unsupported.
Check the app regularly
Notifications vary from app to app, so everyone needs to check the app regularly so updates and needs are not missed. Life gets busy, so setting a regular reminder to check is always a good plan. Once support is underway, work together to keep things running smoothly. Needs and updates will vary, but if there is an important update and you want to make sure everyone sees it, you can also use a group chat urging everyone to check the app (remembering to honor any privacy guidelines set out by the patient on these other channels).
Be specific with needs
When asking for support or comfort items, the old saying “be careful what you wish for” holds especially true here. If you have something specific in mind or if there are some critical date/time/location requirements, be as specific as possible. This means including links to shared documents or lists or, as appropriate, a URL to a specific item so the supporter clicks the link and has a clear idea of what is needed (or buy the item). The clearer you can be, the better – it will reduce confusion and stress for everyone.
We’re stronger together.
It takes a village to support someone going through a difficult life event like cancer, so work together, be flexible, be patient, and kind to each other. The experience will likely be new for everyone. A good coordination tool is only one piece of the puzzle. Good communication is also vital to providing good support. We don’t know what we don’t know, so being clear will save time, energy, money, and, most importantly, reduces stress and uncertainty. Have each other’s back, try not to take things personally, and respect your loved one’s choices and decisions.
By following these basic guidelines and using the tool(s) consistently, you will be stronger together. By everyone doing their part, the workload will be more manageable, and the quality of life will improve for your loved ones and you.
Supporting a friend or loved one who has been diagnosed with cancer can be overwhelming and emotionally taxing. It’s important to remember that, as a friend, you have the power to improve on your loved one’s experience. However, it’s crucial to be intentional in your support to ensure that you provide the most effective and beneficial assistance possible.
Understanding Your Role and Setting Intentions
To be intentional, start by clarifying your priorities and goals in supporting your friend. This clarity will help you align your actions with your goals and determine how you will spend your time and energy. For instance, if your aim is to offer tangible support, consider helping with household chores, preparing meals, or driving to appointments. Taking notes during medical visits can also be immensely helpful!
Fostering Connection and Communication
If your goal is to ensure your friend feels less alone, create opportunities for regular in-person or virtual interactions. Continue to include them in social events, understanding that they might not always be able to participate. Should your focus be on being a supportive listener, understand their preferred communication style and be consistent in your approach.
Practice active listening
One of the most important things to keep in mind when supporting a friend with cancer is to listen actively and be present. Cancer can be isolating, and many people feel they are facing their diagnosis alone. You can help your friend feel heard and understood by actively listening and being present. This can be as simple as asking how they’re feeling, being available to talk, or simply being there to hold their hand.
Another critical aspect of supporting a friend with cancer is respecting their boundaries. Everyone’s experience with cancer is different, and what one person needs or wants may not be the same as another. It’s important to ask your friend what they need and to respect their wishes. For example, if they don’t want to talk about their diagnosis, please respect that.
Words Matter
Be mindful of the language you use when talking to your friend about their cancer. Avoid using language that minimizes or trivializes their experience. For example, starting your response with “At least…” immediately minimizes their feelings. And avoid making assumptions about what they are going through. Instead, use language that is inclusive, empowering, and non-judgmental. For example, instead of saying “I know exactly how you feel, my _____ had _____” try something that acknowledges their experience is unique to them. Instead use “That must be really difficult” or “I can’t imagine what was that like for you.”.
Offer practical support
In addition to emotional support, you can also provide practical assistance. For example, you can offer to drive your loved one to appointments, help with grocery shopping, or help with cooking meals. These small acts of kindness can make a big difference in the life of someone going through cancer treatment.
Be consistent when supporting a friend
Support for a friend with cancer is not a one-time effort. The need for support doesn’t end when treatment ends. The road ahead is often long and difficult. Be patient and understanding, and continue being there for your friend through all the ups and downs.
Balancing Support with Self-Care
Supporting a friend with cancer is a challenging but rewarding endeavor. Remember: You can’t be a good supporter if you’re running on empty. Balance your own needs with the needs of your friend. Whether that’s ensuring you schedule in your own self-care, start therapy, etc. Think about what you need in order to feel like you can support your friend without sacrificing your own well-being. By being intentional, actively listening, respecting boundaries, using supportive language, offering practical help, and being patient, you can make a significant difference in your friend’s life during their cancer experience.
The holidays are a time filled with joy, love, and cherished traditions. However, when cancer becomes part of the equation, the festivities can take on a different tone. Patients and caregivers often feel the holiday blues as they face disconnection and uncertainty, while family and friends may find it challenging to strike the right balance between celebration and empathy.
In this blog, we share tips to enhance the holiday experience for everyone involved.
Tip 1: Be Present, Not Perfect
In the pursuit of holiday perfection, families impacted by cancer may feel undue pressure and stress. The key to a more meaningful and less stressful holiday lies in being present, not perfect.
Your loved one may not feel ready to join large gatherings or family traditions. They may want to spend time by themselves or only with a few people. Allow them to “drive the bus” this season by recognizing and respecting their needs, wishes, and desires.
Tip 2: Understand What Your Loved Ones with Cancer are Going Through
Depending on where each person is with their cancer experience, the needs and holiday adjustments will look different. Understand the challenges your loved ones face.
Do they have sensitivity to certain foods or smells?
Do they have a compromised immune system?
Do they have any residual effects, including anxiety, physical changes, depression, mobility limitations, or reduced energy?
Whether you are planning the celebration or are a supportive family member or friend, it’s essential to understand what they are going through, what is creating stress, and what concerns or limitations exist to help reduce stress and give them the normalcy they desire.
Remember that they don’t want the holidays to revolve solely around their illness. Treat them as individuals, not patients, and cherish the little moments together.
Tip 3: Clearly Communicate and Manage Expectations
Good communication is the foundation of a positive holiday experience. Be clear and open about specific needs, concerns, and priorities, then work together to provide support. By focusing on what truly matters to them, you can build stronger relationships and create traditions and memories that embrace the spirit of the season.
Remember, good communication goes both ways. If you don’t know what they want, ask them.
If you aren’t sure how to stay connected and communicate with your loved ones, try the b-there app! Our app was designed specifically for busy young adults who are balancing life and being supportive friends. Survivors can easily share their status, desire to connect, manage activities, and request needed items. Supporters can check the app for updates on how their loved one feels before connecting or stopping by, and they can sign up to fulfill items from their wish list.
The app is free and available to download now on iOS and Android.
Tip 4: Tweak Holiday Traditions
Traditions are important but can be overwhelming during challenging times. This year, evaluate the significance of each activity and prioritize those that truly matter: Celebrating relationships and enjoying spending time with loved ones. Embrace change and focus on creating new, meaningful experiences. Don’t be afraid to be realistic about your abilities, pace your activities, and give yourself (or your loved ones) the freedom to decline invitations or alter plans as needed.
Example: If your tradition involves gathering the family for Christmas dinner, you can achieve that without spending hours in the kitchen. Ask each guest to bring a dish and have a pot-luck, have the meal catered, meet at a restaurant, or go to someone else’s house.
Tip 5: Involving Your Support Network in New Holiday Plans
Once holiday plans are established, engage family and friends in the process. Keep them informed about the new arrangements and provide guidance on ways they can contribute positively. Remind them of any sensitivities related to cancer, and emphasize the value of presence and shared memories over material gifts.
However, if expressing love through gift-giving is important in your circle, explore unique and thoughtful gift options on platforms like Love Her Hug Her or Carebetter. These sites offer ideas that are especially considerate for those affected by cancer. Additionally, your loved one can create a wishlist on the b-there app. This allows them to request items that align with their specific needs, and supporters can fulfill their requests.
For those who find it easier to organize gift-giving, setting up a registry can be a practical solution. WeGotThis.org is an excellent platform for this purpose. The WeGotThis.org Registry was created by Elissa Kalver, a stage 4 metastatic breast Cancer Thriver. Going through her first rounds of chemo, she thought, “So many people in our lives want to help us through this journey. What if there was something like a wedding or baby registry that could offer all of the things a cancer patient actually needs?”
What to do when it doesn’t feel like there is much to celebrate during the holidays
In this episode of our Support Squad Webinar Series, Cancer and the Holidays: What to do when it doesn’t feel like there is much to celebrate, Chiara Riga, Kara Noskoff, and Abby Westerman discuss the impact cancer has on the holidays (and vice versa), the challenges and concerns from the survivor and supporter perspectives, and provide some helpful strategies and tips for adjusting plans and expectations to create a holiday celebration that is mindful of the current situation.
While each cancer experience is unique, embracing these tips can contribute to a holiday season filled with inclusivity, meaning, and lasting memories. Remember, the key is not perfection but being present, understanding, and good communication. Let’s meet our loved ones where they are and not where we want them to be.
As Thanksgiving draws near, our thoughts naturally turn to gratitude – a sentiment that warms the air and fills our days with appreciation. Beyond a seasonal tradition, gratitude becomes a guiding light, offering profound benefits for our well-being. Let’s dive into what being grateful means for us and explore how embracing this transformative emotion can enrich our lives, bolster our health, and strengthen our relationships.
The Science of Gratitude
There are lots of ways to talk about gratitude, but our favorite comes from Dr. Robert Emmons, a renowned researcher in the science of gratitude. He says…
“Gratitude is literally one of the few things that can measurably change people’s lives.”
Being grateful is not merely an emotion but a dynamic force for positive change. It brings joy, love, and optimism while protecting against destructive impulses, such as envy and resentment. Its impact on our mental and emotional health is profound, making it an invaluable tool in our journey toward overall well-being.
Dr. Emmons breaks it down into two key parts:
Recognize the Good: Make an effort to notice the good stuff in our lives. It’s like actively searching for moments of beauty, kindness, and strength when life throws us challenges. This recognition becomes the backbone for building a positive mindset and a strong spirit.
Acknowledge External Sources: Gratitude is a team sport, recognizing that the good things often come from outside ourselves. It’s the support from friends, unexpected moments of joy, and the connections we share that make our appreciation grow.
How can we make gratitude a part of our everyday lives?
Mindful Moments: Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine. Whether through meditation or a mindful walk, these practices can help you appreciate the present moment and foster a sense of gratitude.
Journaling and Getting Specific: Keep a journal to document moments of positivity. Dive into the details of what (and who) you’re grateful for; the more specific, the better. Specificity intensifies feelings of gratitude, creating a lasting impact.
Express How You Feel: Gratitude is a gift meant to be shared. Let those who positively impact your life know through words, gestures, or acts of kindness. This helps strengthen relationships and fosters a sense of community.
It’s more than a feeling
As we stand on the cusp of gratefulness, let’s embrace this positive emotion. Not just as a seasonal sentiment but as a constant companion in our lives. By recognizing the good, acknowledging external sources, and practicing gratitude in meaningful ways, we cultivate a positive foundation for well-being. This season and beyond, let gratitude be your guiding light, reminding us of the richness that comes from a thankful heart.
Supporting a friend with canceris one of the most selfless and loving acts you can undertake. Your role as a supporter is pivotal, creating a safety net of care, encouragement, and hope for your friend. But let’s be real for a moment: being on the front lines of support can sometimes feel overwhelming and lonely.
In this piece, we’ll delve deeper into the challenges of supporting a friend with cancer. More specifically, the often overlooked topic of supporter burnout and isolation. We’ll discuss how to recognize it, why it’s essential to care for yourself too, and how to find your own support team.
The Realities of Burnout When Supporting a Friend with Cancer
Burnout is the result of prolonged stress and emotional exhaustion. When you’re constantly in a caregiving role, it’s easy to neglect your own needs and feelings. It’s essential to recognize when you’re feeling drained to ensure you can continue supporting a friend with cancer effectively.
Here are some signs of burnout:
Feeling constantly drained or fatigued.
Becoming increasingly irritable or impatient.
Feeling helpless or hopeless.
Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed.
Experiencing physical symptoms, like headaches or stomachaches.
If any of these sound familiar, it might be time to reassess and recharge.
Isolation: The Silent Struggle of Supporters
Many supporters feel a sense of isolation because they believe that others cannot understand the weight of their experiences. This feeling can prevent you from seeking help or expressing your feelings, leading to further detachment from your social circles.
Finding Balance: You Matter Too
It’s essential to recognize that to continue supporting a friend with cancer, you need to be at your best too. You can’t pour from an empty cup, after all. Here are some steps to help you find balance:
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say no or to take a break. Setting boundaries protects your energy and ensures you can continue to be there for your friend in the long run.
Indulge in Self-Care: Whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or indulging in your favorite hobby, spend time doing what makes you happy and relaxed.
Seek Professional Help: Sometimes, talking to a therapist can offer valuable insights.
Building Your Squad of Support
As the saying goes, “It takes a village.” Surrounding yourself with a supportive team is vital. Here’s how:
Engage in Support Groups: Connect with others who understand what it’s like to be supporting a friend with cancer.
Lean on Friends and Family: Sharing experiences can offer relief and provide unexpected insights.
Community Involvement: Getting involved in community activities can provide a refreshing break and foster connections.
Your commitment to being there for your friend through the good and the bad is critical. But remember, it’s equally important to prioritize your well-being. By recognizing burnout and isolation, finding balance, and building your support squad, you ensure that both you and your friend will be better equipped to face the challenges ahead.
Writing a thank you note is an art form, especially when you want to convey gratitude for support during an emotional time like dealing with a cancer diagnosis. A thoughtfully written note can offer sincere appreciation in a way that deeply resonates with the recipient. Here’s how to write a heartfelt thank you note to someone who has been your pillar of strength during such a trying time.
Understand the Importance
Firstly, understand that this note serves multiple purposes. It is a way to convey gratitude and a gesture that can strengthen your bond with the person. Writing and sending the note can also be cathartic for you, giving you a chance to reflect on the support you’ve received.
Identify Your Recipient’s Communication Style
Different people have different communication styles. Some people are straightforward and prefer clear, concise messages. Others might appreciate an emotional or poetic tone. Try to match the note to their communication style to make it most meaningful to them.
Straightforward Style: If your supporter is a no-nonsense person who values concise communication, keep your note simple and direct.
Emotional Style: If the person has been emotionally supportive and you’ve shared intimate details of your journey, a heartfelt and expressive note might be more appropriate.
Formal Style: A more formal tone might be fitting for a healthcare provider or a distant relative who’s been supportive.
Casual Style: Friends and close family members may appreciate a more relaxed and candid approach.
Key Elements to Include in Your Note
Opening: Address them warmly, using a salutation you would typically use in conversation with them.
Specifics: Clearly state what you are thankful for. General statements are nice, but specificity adds a personal touch.
Impact: Explain how their support made you feel or improved your situation.
Closing: Sum up your thanks and look to the future, perhaps by mentioning how you hope to repay their kindness or continue to keep in touch.
Sample Thank You Notes
Example 1: Straightforward Style
Dear [Name],
I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your constant support during my cancer treatment. Your weekly check-ins and help with my medical appointments made a difficult time more manageable.
Thanks again for your kindness.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
Example 2: Emotional Style
My Dearest [Name],
Words fail to capture the depth of my gratitude for your unwavering support during my cancer experience. You’ve been my rock. During those long chemotherapy sessions, your heartfelt messages and companionship lightened my burden.
With all my love,
[Your Name]
Example 3: Formal Style
Dear Dr. [Name],
I wish to express my sincere gratitude for your exceptional care during my cancer treatment. Your expertise and compassionate approach have profoundly impacted my healing journey.
Yours faithfully,
[Your Name]
Example 4: Casual Style
Hey [Name],
Just wanted to say a big THANK YOU! Having you by my side during the chemo has been awesome. I couldn’t have binge-watched all those shows without you!
Catch up soon?
Best,
[Your Name]
Final Thoughts
A thank you note doesn’t have to be long or complicated to be meaningful. Keep it genuine and true to your feelings, and it will surely touch the heart of the recipient. After all, the best thank you notes come from a place of sincere appreciation and love.
Ever felt like you’re swimming in a sea of emojis and Snapchat filters, yet still missing out on genuine connections? It’s like we’re all plugged in, yet somehow, we’re feeling disconnected. In this digital age, it’s weirdly common to feel super alone. Loneliness isn’t just a feeling; it’s a big deal affecting our health in real ways. It’s a puzzle we need to solve with care and understanding.
The Health Risks of Loneliness
First off, know that loneliness is more than a quick mood. It’s feeling cut off from others, from a little lonely to super isolated. And this isn’t just bad for individuals – it messes with society too.
New studies show loneliness is really bad news for our health. It can make your heart, brain, and mood all go haywire. We’re talking heart disease, memory problems, feeling down, stressed out, and even early mortality. To put it bluntly, being really lonely can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes every day. Yep, it’s that serious.
Loneliness is Everywhere
What’s really wild is that loads of adults in the U.S. feel lonely – about half of them. And it’s not just a thing for certain people or ages. Loneliness doesn’t pick favorites. It can hit anyone.
Why Social Connection Matters
We humans are social creatures. We need friends and connections as much as we need food and sleep. It affects our minds and bodies, how we do in school or work, and even how we fit into our communities.
Loneliness is now a public health concern. Even the Surgeon General is waving the ‘let’s-connect’ flag, showing how serious loneliness is and giving tips on how to avoid it. He went on a nationwide tour and stumbled upon the harsh reality of social disconnection affecting people from all walks of life.
It’s high time we treat loneliness like the health threat it is, just like we tackle smoking or obesity. Dr. Murthy challenges us to strip away the stigma around loneliness and rethink how we respond to it culturally and on a policy level. Everyone – you, me, our communities – has a role in strengthening relationships and building a more connected world.
The Power of Simple Acts
While the problem might sound complex, the solutions can be straightforward. Connection doesn’t always mean grand gestures. Sometimes, the most impactful acts are simple:
Answering a call from a friend.
Sharing a meal with someone.
Being present and attentive during conversations.
Seeking opportunities to serve and help others.
These small steps have the potential to bring about monumental change in our lives and those around us. Strengthening connections can make your mind happier, your heart and brain healthier, and even lower the risk of health issues like diabetes or high blood pressure.
The Struggle is Real
We get it – life can sometimes feel like a solo gig in a crowded stadium. You’re not alone in that feeling. But tackling loneliness isn’t just about swiping left or right. In episode 39 of The Struggle is Real with Justin Peters podcast, Michael Bauman, a Loneliness Entrepreneur Coach and Host of the Success Engineering podcast, uncovers the secrets to building strong relationships and making genuine connections that truly matter.
The conversation takes a deep dive into the importance of emotional intelligence and the art of expressing feelings in healthy ways. Drawing from personal experiences, Michael highlights the magic of empathy and vulnerability, showing how these ingredients can help forge deep, meaningful bonds.
Loneliness Among Cancer Survivors: The Crucial Role of Social Support
New findings reveal the huge impact loneliness has on those who’ve triumphed over cancer. Experts say that feeling alone might actually make it tougher for survivors to stay healthy. Science shows that being lonely can mess with your mood, make you do things that aren’t good for you, and even mess with your body’s defenses – all of which might drag down your overall health.
If you’re alone in your cancer experience, you might not get the right care, support, and comfort for your symptoms. That’s why having friends and connections during hard times is a big deal.
Building a Support Squad and Curbing Loneliness after Cancer
The new research on cancer survivors and loneliness is like a wake-up call for all of us. Similar to Michael Bauman’s insights on forging authentic connections, the study highlights the significance of community, empathy, and shared experiences. Just as parents are encouraged to create nurturing environments for their children, caregivers, family, and friends are urged to support cancer survivors through treatment and beyond.
Making time for others and developing healthy habits
A study by Duke University found that nearly 40% of our day consists of unconscious habits– doing things we don’t even think about! Imagine what a difference we could make in our lives if we created healthy habits around happiness, stress management, social connections and overall well-being. Combining healthy unconscious habits, with consciously scheduling time for important social relationships, like regular meetups, whether in person or virtually, can go a long way in helping us reduce the busyness that often keeps us apart and stay more consistent with our connections. Two great resources include “Tiny Habits” by BJ Fogg and “Atomic Habits” by James Clear can help you get started on identifying and including healthy habits in our daily routines.
When a loved one is diagnosed with a serious illness, it is not just the patient who faces the challenges. The impact is felt deeply by their family members, including romantic partners, who often become vital sources of support during this difficult time. While the patient’s family plays a significant role in their well-being, it is crucial to establish clear communication and negotiate support roles and responsibilities to ensure a cohesive and harmonious support system.
In this article, we will explore effective strategies for navigating the dynamics between romantic partners and the patient’s family within the context of the b-present Foundation’s mission to empower and support young adults facing cancer.
Recognizing the importance of all support systems
When a loved one falls ill, their romantic partner naturally becomes an anchor of support. However, it is essential to acknowledge the value that the patient’s family brings to the table. The patient’s family members often possess a unique understanding of their loved one’s needs, medical history, and preferences. By recognizing and appreciating the role of the patient’s family, a stronger and more comprehensive support network can be established.
Identifying areas of expertise and responsibilities
Each person involved in the support system brings their own strengths and areas of expertise. By recognizing and utilizing these strengths, tasks, and responsibilities can be distributed effectively. For instance, the patient’s family members might have experience with medical appointments, while the romantic partner can provide emotional support and assist with daily activities. Collaboratively determining each person’s role ensures the patient’s needs are continuously met.
Open and honest communication
Clear and open communication forms the foundation for navigating the roles and responsibilities of romantic partners and the patient’s family. It is essential for all parties involved to express their needs, concerns, and expectations openly while also being receptive to the perspectives of others. Establishing regular check-ins or family meetings can create a space for dialogue, ensuring everyone’s voice is heard and understood.
Age, relationship and cultural considerations
Age, relationship, and cultural considerations can significantly impact the dynamics of support roles within the context of a serious illness. These factors influence how individuals perceive and approach their roles, affecting the overall support system.
How age and culture can impact support
In multicultural families, diverse beliefs and traditions may influence caregiving practices and communication styles. Religious beliefs and practices may influence how end-of-life care is approached, and different cultures may have distinct communication styles, including direct and indirect communication or varying levels of emotional expression. In some cultures, expressing emotions openly may be encouraged, while in others, it might be considered more private.
Cultural beliefs about medical treatments, alternative therapies, and spiritual practices can also vary significantly. Some cultures may value traditional medicine, while others may prefer holistic approaches.
Cultural norms regarding family hierarchies can influence decision-making within the support system. In some cultures, the eldest family member’s opinion carries more weight, while in others, decisions may be made collectively. Older family members may hold traditional beliefs about caregiving, while younger partners may have different expectations due to evolving societal norms. Bridging these generational gaps through open communication and mutual understanding is crucial in building a unified support network.
How relationships can impact support
Relationship dynamics also influence how support roles are negotiated. Established long-term partners may have a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and communication styles, while newer relationships may face challenges in navigating the complexities of caregiving. Striking a balance between emotional support and practical assistance is vital in maintaining a healthy relationship while caring for a loved one with a serious illness.
Understanding the impact of age, relationship, and cultural considerations helps foster empathy and compassion among all parties involved. It encourages patience and a willingness to adapt to different perspectives and approaches to caregiving. Embracing diversity and inclusivity within the support system not only enhances the patient’s well-being but also strengthens the bonds between romantic partners and the patient’s family. By acknowledging and addressing these factors, individuals can collaboratively create a support network that is truly comprehensive and beneficial for all involved.
During times of illness, personal boundaries and privacy become even more crucial. Both the patient’s family and their romantic partner may struggle to balance their love and concern for the patient with respecting their right to confidentiality, but they need to respect each other’s boundaries and understand that different individuals have varying levels of comfort when it comes to sharing personal information or participating in caregiving tasks. These dilemmas may lead to conflicting opinions and heightened emotions, requiring open dialogue and mutual understanding to find common ground. Respecting privacy fosters trust and promotes healthy relationships within the support system.
Making medical decisions
Medical decisions are a crucial aspect of navigating the support roles and responsibilities within the context of a serious illness. When it comes to medical decisions, the patient’s family and romantic partner often find themselves facing common areas of concern. Deciding on treatment options, considering medical procedures, and managing end-of-life care are just some of the challenging decisions that must be made collectively. It is essential for both parties to engage in open and honest conversations, discussing the patient’s wishes, values, and preferences, to arrive at informed decisions that align with the patient’s best interests.
Seeking external support
Negotiating roles and responsibilities can sometimes be challenging, and seeking external support can be highly beneficial. Find resources such as support groups, counseling services, and educational materials for both patients and their loved ones. Health professionals can play a pivotal role by providing medical expertise and guidance, helping to demystify complex medical information, and offering valuable insights to support the decision-making process. Ultimately, navigating medical decisions requires a shared commitment to the patient’s well-being, where all involved parties contribute their perspectives and expertise to ensure the most compassionate and effective care.
Actionable steps to navigate support roles and responsibilities effectively
Create a Support Plan: Work together as a team, including the patient, romantic partner, and family members, to create a support plan outlining each person’s roles and responsibilities. Having a clear plan in place helps ensure that everyone knows what is expected of them and reduces the chances of misunderstandings.
Establish Regular Check-ins: Schedule regular check-ins or family meetings to discuss how the patient is doing, any changes in their needs, and how the support network can be adjusted accordingly. These meetings can also serve as a platform for open communication and addressing any concerns.
Utilize Technology: In today’s digital age, technology can be a powerful tool for staying connected and coordinating care. Consider using shared calendars or support apps like b-there to facilitate communication and task management within the support system.
Practice Active Listening: Encourage active listening. Allow each person to express their thoughts and feelings without interruption. This fosters understanding and empathy among all members of the support network.
Set Boundaries and Respect Privacy: Discuss and establish boundaries to ensure that everyone’s privacy is respected. Understand that different individuals may have varying comfort levels regarding sharing personal information or participating in caregiving tasks.
Divide Tasks According to Strengths: Identify each individual’s strengths and expertise, and assign tasks accordingly. For instance, family members with medical knowledge can handle appointments and medical information, while the romantic partner focuses on emotional support.
Encourage Self-Care: Remind everyone involved to prioritize their own well-being and engage in self-care activities regularly. Supporting a loved one with a serious illness can be emotionally and physically demanding, so taking care of oneself is crucial.
Learn about the Illness: Take the time to educate yourself about the patient’s condition and treatment options. Being informed empowers you to ask relevant questions during medical appointments and participate more actively in the patient’s care.
Be Flexible and Adaptable: Understand that the patient’s needs and circumstances may change over time. Be flexible and willing to adjust roles and responsibilities as needed to provide the best support possible.
Practice Gratitude and Appreciation: Express gratitude and appreciation to each other for the support provided. Celebrate small victories and moments of joy amidst the challenges of caregiving.
Communicate with Healthcare Professionals: Maintain open communication with the patient’s healthcare team. Regularly update them on the patient’s progress and involve them in important decision-making processes.
Take Breaks and Respite: If possible, arrange for respite care to give each member of the support system the opportunity to take breaks and recharge. Taking time off can help prevent burnout and maintain overall well-being.
In conclusion
Navigating the support roles and responsibilities between romantic partners and the patient’s family requires open communication, understanding, and a collaborative mindset. By recognizing and respecting each other’s strengths, setting boundaries, and seeking external support when needed, a cohesive and supportive network can be created for the benefit of the patient.
Together, romantic partners and the patient’s family can form a strong alliance, enhancing the patient’s quality of life and fostering resilience during challenging times.
